Tuesday 11 November 2014

A LONER'S VICTORY



So much of himself
Fell off on his sprint
To where
He could be alone

He swoons with trophy
In bloody skeletal hands
Weeping, for
All that he missed
While he ran,
Frantic,
In search of
A quiet place


Saddened
by the subtle
Joy
present -
Snippet of
 victory


Dying
Under the weight
Of triumph
Over all that
Should have
Mattered

As his heart beats
A pyrrhic meter
The fog clears
And he sees…

He is victorious


But too near death
To feel its worth.

Monday 1 September 2014

THE NEW BLACK



They said we do not write poems
About rain when it rains
Or on love when we are struck by it
'Step out and be happy' they said
'Your sad is only yours
Save it for when no one is looking'
But people stare
All day they gawk

And when the lyrics to my sad song
Is ready they tell me
'Sad songs are writ on sunny days'
Month long it rained
My song going stale in me

I will hang my heart out
By the busiest street
When the sun comes out
Turn your heads in shame
Of me
Or point and laugh
But my heart needs a tan
Warm it up
And turn it gay

I will dance down
Society's stiff back
Spill my bottled fears
Down the public drain

I will write a million love notes
Stick them on a runway
Write of rain in the storm
And watch the words dissolve

I will write putrid hatred when I want
Silly nothings when I want
Revolutions, cos I can
Feel this heart now pumping
Hard in me
It is new...

The new black.

Monday 18 August 2014

GOTHIC WISH


I like
How warm
I feel
Underneath this
Cotton dress
But
If another
Could feel it with me...
Share in my loud
Resonating womanness
Wouldn't that be Heaven...ly?
The choice parts of it
I suppose.

Anticipating him
Must be why my heart
Seems to have squeezed
Itself
Into 
my
Breast
And is racing with a limp
So the thumping
Has a spring
In its beats

Like a prayer answered,
My phantom valentine
Comes riding
On 
A ghost train
Like Furor
Charging forth
From
Dark pastime



*Note: If you look closely enough, you'd see him standing by the railing on the front footplate of the train.


Monday 28 July 2014

AND NOW...



The young graduate
Fresh out of school
Fired up
Ready to ease
 Into the new cool
Maybe he sped
Maybe he was reckless
But this patch
This dry patch
Wasn’t there before
He looks back at his dreams
Then down at his hands
And he’s no longer there
He looked
But…
He wasn’t there.



Walking down
The few steps
Out from the banking hall
Heart rate slowing to a halt
And figures run through invisible sieves
 Before your eyes
Maybe you hallucinate
Maybe you are on opiates
But this nothing
This gaping nothing
Wasn’t there before
You take a step back
Then look down
At your feet
But they aren’t there
You looked
But
You weren’t there.



She cradles her newborn
With
Her back against
A harsher world
Maybe she’s the worrier
Maybe paranoid
But this darkness
This horrid darkness
Was not there before.
She holds back tears
Looks down at her bosom
And they’re gone
She looked
But
She wasn’t there



Now I sit here
Wondering what
The morning will bring
Where next to occupy
How else to survive
Maybe it’s pessimism
Maybe I’m a cynic
But this hopelessness
This crass hopelessness
Wasn’t there before.
I slip under my sheets
Make to close my eyes
But they vanished
I took a peek
But
 I wasn’t there….
I wasn’t.

Friday 11 July 2014

POSSESSED



The devil tangos
In my guts

Dainty feet
Pretty smile
Frosted frock

She tangos
On my heart

Now if I 
Could only
Let her loose


If only

She’d leave....

Wednesday 25 June 2014

AND DEATH DIED...




There is this need
This
Pressing need
To write a sad song
And lament my good fortune
Shed shameless tears
That burn like acid
Corroding the
Calm that plagues me

I want
To step out naked
Into the stormy downpour
And get drenched
Along with the hope
That now wears me
Without my consent –
Catch a grave cold.

This need
To damn it all
And step back
In awkward celebration
Of impending doom
While
They
Who came to dance
With me loiter
On an expectant dance floor

I need
To find pain and
Weave her into my
Consciousness
Strum the minor chords
Of fatality –
A prelude to oblivion

This haunting
Unrelenting
Need
To
Crumble
Under the weight
Of something
Mysterious –
A potent
Enigma


Tell them…
The ones who had held
Their breaths
Five long years
Fearing to
Let what’s in out
And adamant
On letting what’s out in
Not sure what will finally break
Me
Tell them they
Can go on and breathe
Now
That
I am free

But let them know
I sit here
Composing a dirge
As I wait
To be taught
How
To live

Without death

Friday 6 June 2014

DARKENED


I do not sit alone
In this greying space
Almost drowning
In tears
While writing
A long
Melancholic poem.

I sit here
Just
Drowning
Letting
Myself
Sink
As
I
Mark
Time
Seconds
Before
My last breath
Is snuffed
Out
I come up for air

You see it is thinning.
Man...
You did not tell me
I was coming up
For nothing...
There's nothing left
The earth packed up and left...
No
Air

This night
Is too long
And man is vain

A sad hymn
Plays
In the background
Voices leap out
Of the tune
And vanish
Into a vacuum

All is darkened

The bass stays with me
Awhile...
Deep
Resonating
"Be still my soul"
he sings.

The sprite
In flight
Hesitates
Then slips too
Into blackness

All...is darkened

Slowly
Blood gives way
To death
She
Courses
Through long days
Hitting loves
Corrupting tomorrows
Leaving a seared trail
Flames engulf hope!

All...all is darkened
And the night
Is languid


Caught
On the faint line
Between fair and foul
i crawl to the man's side
There...
In Gethsemane
I plead
And he
While mortals sleep

"If it be thy will...
Let this cup pass from me"

Even there
With him
Ebony clouds
Hide a blood moon
And
All
Is soot

In the vale of tears

Wednesday 4 June 2014

RANSOM



What was he 
But a lean frame 
Clothed in blood 
And sweat 
And spit
Swooning 
On tired feet
Weighed down 
By ringed spikes 
And a coloured robe
Flesh hanging 
In loose shreds 
Bones exposed
Eyes sunken 
Face ashen?


What was he 
But a sorry sight
Battered
Bruised
Torn
Mirroring 
The state 
Of our spirits
Bound 
By the bonds 
that were ours?


What was he
our dying lord
Praying 
With breath 
He couldn’t afford?


On the count
Of three
His words 
Echo 
In our hearts
As he steps
Out 
From death’s bands
Brought forth
From the mortal tomb

“See…


I make all things new”

Monday 12 May 2014

A LITTLE INSIDE...




My latest breath
Hangs loose
On a webstring
About to snap
And I pant
While you whisper
“Mon Amour,
Ma Cherie”
Into my
Hair
As I wonder what it means


Your fingers
Close round
My neck
And that must
Have been
The gasoline
That fueled
My heartbeat
Shooting
Up with
The stars we
Danced
With

I soared
With you
Bodies intertwined
Pleasure
Spasm-ing 
My spine
Soon my eyes glazed over

You
Oh you…
Confuse me more
In this foreign tongue

Now you kiss me,
Spilling sweet Paris
Onto my tongue

I let out
“Je meur!”
On a breath
And faded out

But I heard,
As
Seconds passed…
Her name
On your lips,

Again

And that…

That
Was

La petite mort

Friday 9 May 2014

SPEEDING


I need to lock
My mind in the cellar
Of truth
To knock
The pangs
That paralyze me
Out into
Darkness
And
For once
Know
That weeks
Months
Years
On end
I can keep up
With
Myself
But I
Am a
Broken
Lie
On a highway
I
can’t
Stop.


Somebody
Something
Tampered with the brakes
Now
I am cold
Only aware
Of a heart
When it hurts
And
My eyes stay dazed
Not sure
What it sees
Or what it does
Not…
I am speeding
Away
Not loving
Not hating
My existence
Like
A brief
Apparition
On flowing
Waters
You
Can only
Catch a
Glimpse
As I
Flash by
I
can’t
Stop



This world
Is too small
Too tight
And I…
I am
Claustrophobic
So I step out
And run
My feet
Carry me on
Up
And away
Then briefly
I’m a butterfly
A pale
Brown
Butterfly
Yet free
Momentarily
Till I wake
And again..
I’m stuck
On a hell-bound ride



I
Can’t
Stop

Wednesday 26 March 2014

LAST SEEN...


Sitting at a crowded bar
Staring into the tumbler
You hold
Like all the secrets
Of the world
Swim in the spirit
Bubbling at the bottom
Your purpose
Was last seen
Struggling, barely alive
After a stampede
On a darkened
Dance floor

Lying on a satin bed
Staring up at her face
Distorted,
Her painted
Lips parted
Letting out
A foreign language –
A string of long vowels
Carried on a single breath
Then she calls your name
While you struggle
To remember hers
Your self-control
Was last seen
Comforting
The last heart
 You broke
Before a purple altar


Standing on the beach at dawn
Contemplating each wave
As if
It might just carry
Away the mismatched
Set of lies you
Stitched together
And hung
Round your frail frame
Like Joseph’s coat
Of many colours
Your honesty
Was last seen
Aboard a ship
Being carried off
Into the horizon
You see now.


Sitting on a low bench
Wondering what it was
That happened
That caused
The hunch
On your back
Forgetting that
Avarice took
Over your surname
The night you vowed
To care less about
The rest of us
Your contentment
Was last seen
Whistling
 In oblivion
Down the slick path
Into the shadows


It is all a wonder
To us who stay on
Watching
Observing
The transformation
That slowly ate
Away at you
And left you
Stuck
In the
Whirl
Of depression
Your eyes are blank
And you no longer feel
You do not wish to know
That
Your very self
Was last seen
Taking itself apart
At the junction
Where child
And adult
met

Monday 24 March 2014

DISSONANT HARMONY


This headache
That runs down
To the back of my neck
Pleasure-pain…
From laughing too hard
These friends I have
Make me lose breath
Doubling over in laughter
Bless us!

It was when I went home
For the weekend
That I took note
Of Mama’s
Illness
Evident on her face
“The pain is just horrible”
She whispered and sneezed.
“Bless you!”

I met him when he first arrived
And loved him till he left
Now he returns
In skirts and heels;
Miss Rose with a snipped tip
I can only mourn a lost member
Bless it.

She’s charming;
My petite chocolate queen
 Feeds me as she dotes
Then prays with me
For me
“Are you ok?”
With both eyebrows raised
This rare show of love
Bless her

An evening’s chance-meet
And the heavens’
Tender glow
“I’m going to come sit with you”
Then things went up and things went down
Rollercoaster with no safety belts
The poet’s vertigo
And mine…
Bless him

Sleep never
Comes this way
My street has no name
The morning sounds
Meet me wide awake
The young mother
Getting a frustrated tod
Ready for school
She sings the alphabet
In discord
And her husband sweeps
The paved compound
Bless them.

Now I sit and wonder
Where this madness
Came from
But I stop trying
To understand
Cos
Lunacy detached
From the lunatic
Leaves nothing -
Madness is me
Just as I am Lord…
Bless me


Friday 14 March 2014

YOU


You
Came in
And set
One
Demon free
Then
Two
You
You
Bloody
Blood
On my hands

I cannot pretend
It’s a safe house
Here where
I hide
But
You
Should have stayed away
From the locks
You
Should not have
You 
You
Played
With that box

I CANnot marry
Your jesting veins
With steel blades
And watch the
Beauty of art
Alive
And warm
Do a familiar
Dance
Down
The sickening canvas
Of
You
You

I CANnot
Visit
You
With
A kiss from the serpent
And watch
You
Shudder 
As
You
Drown
In the congealed
Life in
You
Or move
To the sounds
Of your last words
Stuck in a froth
Gurgling
You
You

I could only
Do
You
This
Holy evil
If
You
Existed
You
Bloody
Blood

On my hands

Monday 10 March 2014

EN ROUTE


Stranded
In the mire
Of my confused
State,
I ran…

My legs caught up
With the wind
And hopped on its
Back
Sailing
To the very top
Breaking through
The conflagration
Of emotions
That rush
Up
To my neck
Burning…
Choking!

I escape the frenzy
Awakened
By my synesthetic
Senses
Telling me
To feel
Your lies
Smell 
Deceit
Touch
The hem
Of lost years
Telling me
To rip off
My skin
And stand
Bleeding
Before the world

I shrink away
From the tomorrows
I dreamt
As
You turned
Your back to me
In fevered pleas
To the gods
That be

A slip of courage
Was what you asked for
A barrel of
Guts
To break
An unsuspecting

Heart

Sunday 2 March 2014

MUSE-ic



The muse of song
Sat looking long
At the scenes
That played
From the 
Record
Of old memories
In my head

"it's about time,"

She whispered.

Saturday 1 March 2014

THREE STRIKES AND...


The boulder 
did whisper 
my name
Laying there
in the middle
Of a line
of footsteps
that lead
to the sun

I was carefully
Re-taking them
When
That stone
called me...
by name

Don't ask
why my knee
bleeds

Or why
i sit here
and weep

The boulder...
it spoke
and had me 
Almost
Floored

Sunday 9 February 2014

OFF A CLIFF


The voices that come and go
Push me there and back
Right to the very edge
Then back

Like a yoyo in the hands
Of my conscience
I hang on a thin thread
Every other minute
I'm undone

It is sweet huddled up
In this warm cocoon
Must the butterfly be born
Can it not stay a larvae?

I let love in 
I made it reign
Now it demands more
That I be brave

Nowhere to hide
It's broad daylight
No more shadows
For cover ups
Every filthy linen
Was washed, and dried
And I stand naked
Void of shame

To burst out
And blind mortal eyes
With colours never before seen
To remember 
That I too can fly
And leap
That...
Is the script.

But the world 
Is a large, gaping
Abyss of the known unknowns
.....

And I'm afraid to face it.



Friday 24 January 2014

APPARITION



It was an almost
Broken-down door
That loomed,
Standing
Between me
And something..
Something…
I was not sure.

It stood,
Groaning
Against the weight 
Of the wind;
A door
Hanging loose
On its hinges

The damp earth
Had made a feast 
Of the red-wood
And 
The rot on the inside
Could be seen
In ghastly patches
On the outside
It stood,
Rattling
Against the force
Of an unruly wind
A door
Threatening to break
From its hinges

It stood,
 Strong
In its obvious fragility
And I 
Drew back -
Too scared
 To touch

A mightier wind
Rose
Hauling me against it,
And as
I fell through
…Stunned that 
The door still stood
I wondered…
If
The door was
The apparition
….
Or
I was.