MEA CULPA

Settling down 

Long enough 

To note 

My fear

Paying close attention, 

I hear

Dark voices 

Snicker in my head,

Knowing 

I will soon snap

And murder them

In cold blood

Their shrieks echo

A forewarning...

"Many more voices to be born."

A chant I get high on.

O this darkness...

Mea Culpa!

In the cradle 

Lies pain

Wrapped up 

Delicately

Comfortable in its sleep

I dread its waking

Yet I nurse it

Rocking

That daunting cradle

Back 

And forth

It creaks loudly

Taunting me;

"I wouldn't be sleeping for long.

Conscious 

Of my unconscious 

Anticipation

Of its waking

O this sweet agony...

Mea Culpa!

Before this canvas

I stand

Painting

A self portrait

Hours of brush-dipping

Colour dripping

Strokes 

And 

Strokes

And it's done

A canvas

Painted

Dark

Red

Its boldness mirroring me

"This is you, inside-out"

O this torturous vision...

Mea  Maxima Culpa!

Note: Mea culpa is a Latin phrase that translates into English as "through my fault". It is repeated three times in the prayer of confession at the Catholic Mass: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa — "through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault".

CUSTOMIZED CONFESSION

“Anytime you say you’re coming over, I get very excited, eager for night to fall so you’d sneak in like you always do. It affects my concentration actually, because I end up fantasizing all through the day. Yes, that is why I always try something new when you come. Take the other night for instance. My hair in your fisted hand and my hands splayed on the tiled bathroom wall was a scene I had already pictured. Even the words you used, the names you called me…they had all been in my daydreams. 

Now about my husband, of course I’ve been lying to him just as he does to me. He came back from his yet again, month-long business trek last night, and I could smell her right from the shirt he wore, to the inside of his luggage. You know what that means right? Yes, he went with her, and the skinny female canine, bathed in that vanilla laced perfume of hers,  left that smell all over my life. If you pay close attention, you can even smell it in his car. I was angry! I still am. 

So, do not wear any cologne when you come again, my lover. I like the smell of man. I miss the smell of man. All I smell now is a very mild vanilla. Last night, we fucked silently, my husband and I. When you come…we’d talk dirty; plenty of dirty.

I came to tell you he will leave before the weekend. So Friday night is already pulsing as it awaits us. Can we do it under the open sky this time, on the roof? I hope it rains. I have always wanted to do it in the light rain. Bring some of that wine along. I still say it tastes different outside of these walls. It tastes better. 

I promise to be here early Sunday morning. I’d sit in the back and watch you pace in that pure robe, if you promise to stay till Saturday morning. For once, my night friend, stay till morning.

I’ve thought of murder countless times. Once, you were the victim. Don’t ever stop visiting. Anything can happen if you stop. It’s not a threat, more of a subtle warning. 

Don’t stop.

I have to go now. It was nice hearing you breathe. See you on Friday. 

And oh, have I told you I love you in that hooded sweatshirt you come in? I do. I do.

Ok, bye.”

 The white-washed cathedral stood on the hill, with the sun setting behind it. She slipped out of the wooden confession box, with the rosary still in her hand, made her way down the aisle and out into the dying sunlight.

NANTE YIE

Dip your beard in water

While that of your neighbor

Burns…they said…

Our kinsman has been

Swallowed up

In another’s fire

The dirge singers

Raise songs you penned

As if to forewarn us

Before sunrise

Fiada Fofie Ba!

Woakɔ mfikyire mpofirim dodo!

Their voices break out

Through the still sky

And call us, your children

To the town square

Dazed, 

Weary, 

Sad

We will douse our beards

In tears

Kofi Nyidevu Awoonor

We will douse our beards

In tears

As the travelers carry you home

We will sing your praises

On our candlelit march

To the river

Where

Kutsiami will meet us 

And upon your wish,

Ferry you across.

#Rest in Peace, Prof. Kofi Awoonor. 

You will be greatly missed.

DUSK

You’d hear

My laughter

From afar

Taste

Its sweetness

In the air

Long before

You reach me

And when

You finally get here

You’d see

That

I chose joy

Although I’ve lost

All the weight

I gained

From kelewele binges

And ice cream sprees

Although my skin’s losing

Its silk

And pain leaves my forehead

Creased

You’d find me seated

Content

With joy

Come join me

As I watch

The twilight from

The rooftop

Streaks of orange,

Flaming red

Tinge of gold

Coloring my passion

In the evening sky

I sigh

Deep inside

The beauty

Of sunset

Mirroring my life

Join me celebrate

A magical end

When you turn

That corner

And head towards

Where the heavens

And I commune

You’d know

I chose strength

Although my breath

Is labored

Half the day through

And I’m too cold

To keep my voice

Steady

Although my joints

Creak

And my nights

Are void of

Good sleep

You’d find me

Huddled up

Tough

With strength

Come join me

Beat drums

Under the moonlight

And watch the giant owl

Fly mysteriously across

The star-filled sky

With its snowy feathers

Teasing

The silver clouds

And tickling

The dewy wind

Join me

Make a wish

Upon the shooting stars

When you reach me

At the horizon

You’d see me merge

With the sea

And while dying

Live fully.

I MUST CRY

My 

hands 

Have been

 Bloody And 

Sparkly all at once

Precious stones stained

With Indelible blood

They came To spill

I must cry

Watch 

Me pet lions

And sip Sweet 

Wine from our vines

Cushioned in valleys.

Fresh waters and trees we 

Treat as gods - Beautiful sunrise

That hits my skin and shines it 

So bright it blinds you

I must cry

See 

Young 

women and 

Men Instilled with 

Morals they come here 

To break with their lies

And they turn around

And call us savages

I must cry

Wives 

Buy hunting guns 

And go down on their knees  

Handing them over to their husbands 

We give them power; we tell them;

“Come home with game, my love.”

And we fuss all day in waiting

Yet they say we are fools nd 

Come preaching untruths

That breaks the equality

We know

I must cry

Our 

Children

Hold our culture

Up high in their songs

In their dances in their 

Breath and baby-speech

Watch the mother tap rhythm

Into her sleeping child Watch 

Her coax him into walking

“Taa-taa” She says: Rhythm 

In our growth And they say 

We’re backward

I must cry

Our 

fathers 

Till the soil

Their sweat grow 

with our crops and

we share In communal 

Love. I take care of your itch

And you take care of mine. They 

Come and talk of individuality

And break our homes

I must cry

The 

Old warriors

Grooming men

To protect and not 

Destroy. Our old Queens

Feeding young girls hard-boiled 

eggs They must swallow whole, Yes 

Teaching them to nurture the delicate

Fiercely. Like the wild cat Transporting her 

Cubs to a safe haven by picking them with her 

Fangs yet they are not bruised - Amazing!

We are wild and gentle, brave and modest

We are Africa and they say 

It’s dark? I must cry

See 

I pushed 

Through debris 

To rise to this height

They stuffed me there

Burying me so deep I 

Wondered what they  

Were afraid of

And now I 

Know 

So 

I must cry

They must hear

What they fear

My voice

Africa’s 

voice

HIS ROBE

Running

Stumbling

Falling

Crawling

Skin scratched

By thorny weeds

Battered

Tattered

Clouded

Shrouded

Tears streaming

Down a hollow laugh

Mud on feet

Soot on hands

Dirt on dirt

Growing hurt

Screams lodged

In a stuffy throat

One lonely street

One dying lass

Arm stretched out

Straining

For 

The hem

IN THE HEART OF THE SUN

In the heart 

Of the sun

My heart 

Radiates

The warmth 

That

Pierces through

The chill

And 

Heats up your

Numbing fingers

Look up 

At my frame

In the heart 

Of the sun

My smile

Exudes 

Golden rays

That yellows 

The sunflowers

And leaves

 The river 

Glistening

Like diamonds

Look down 

At my reflection

In the heart 

Of the sun

My breath

Is the light

That hits

The greens

And makes

The mountains

Glow

Feel me

All around 

You

In the heart

Of the sun

Is me 

RED WINE

It is Joy that tiptoes in through the backdoor

 And steals its way into abandoned rooms of

 My heart and I wake up doused in smiles.

 It is love that spins out to the front and

Flaunts its wings, leaving microscopic

Particles   giggling   into   the

Darkness

Of     my

Stomach

It is Love

And joy

Mingled

In  a  glass  Of  Red  Wine.

ACCIDENTAL MUSE

When we meet

My muse

Your very breath

Caresses

My senses

Coaxing words

Out from

Secret places

When we meet

Like this

It's gravity

A pull

To the heart

Of creativity

We merge

And 

.....

It's electric

When we meet

My Wednesday muse

When we meet

On this altitude...

It's synergy

Pure

Deep

Synergy

SECOND RAIN

We waited for the 

Rain

And when it came

We ran out

And danced

Our laughter 

Dancing with us

As our clothes

Clung to 

Our tiny frames

We were

Innocent

I remember you slipped

And fell

And we laughed so hard

The flashes of lightening

Seemed as if

God had winked

At us

We were

Innocent

Then I helped you up

And hugged you tight

I felt warm

But we were shivering

Through smiles 

And

The rumble

Of the thunder

Had us scurrying 

Back inside

Auntie whipped us

Till we cried

Still clinging 

To each other

We were 

Innocent

The rains went away

And our grains

Started to sprout

We were strutting

Our stuff

And our pride

Bounced off

Each other

They called it

Puberty

And our innocence

Was sadly fading

But we still clung 

To each other

Barely

Blameless

Now

It’s Harmattan

And we find

Ourselves

Here 

Sucked dry 

As the parched soil

Our grains all gone

With the years

No tears to soothe

Our tight faces

And dissolve

 Our plastic smiles

Our bony hands

Cling

To each other

The music 

From yesterday

Seeps into

Today

Telling the innocence

We once had

They call it ageing

No longer

Innocent

Yet we 

Cling

Tight

Waiting 

For the second rain

To come

So we dance

Our last

"DON'T GO TELLING MAMA"

She said

“Don’t go kissing boys

Don’t let them touch you”

And then

She touched me

“It’s ok”

She said

“Don’t go telling mama”

And with a kiss

She zipped my lips

The smell of sweat and flesh

My infant mind

Stored in masses

In hidden folds

Up in my brain

And now it spews them

Into my thoughts

I smell her

The taste

In my mouth

Her leathery nipples

Burning

Into

My sore tongue

Her flabby abs

Pushing down my belly

With kisses,

She wiped my tears

The feel

Of her calloused

Hands

Rough fingers

Shoved up my…

“Shhh”

She said

“Don’t go telling mama”

And with sloppy kisses

She soothed

My bruises

Once I killed her

In the bathtub

And laid there

Crying

On the cold floor

Then I stabbed her

At church

And watched

Her blood flow

Down

Beneath the altar

While I prayed

For her soul

Her voice comes

And goes

“Don’t go kissing boys”

So I let the boys go

And found

The men were

Sweet

And women

Lush

“Shhh”

I say

“Don’t go telling mama”

I still dream of you

Your breath

And smile

And breasts

I dream of

Your hands

And thighs

And lips

I dream

Of

You

In

Pieces

Laid up

On those cotton sheets

On which I bled

Once

“Shhh”

You said

“Don’t go telling mama”

LACONIC

Our love

Was dawn

Then

Dusk

…….

Sunset

As

Beautiful

As

  Sunrise

SORT OF A TRIBUTE...to Tampico

Once I fell deeply in love 

With a dog. 

His name was Tampico 

And He died

In fact 

He was murdered.

After his burial, 

I swore never to love 

Another brown-eyed dog.

The worst part is 

I partook 

In the very feast

That raised my suspicions...

Kebabs and drinks.

My heart 

Felt funny that night 

As I ate with my neighbors. 

But my tongue 

Was double sure 

It was tasting goat. 

Guess I can't trust 

That member

Those bloody neighbors!! 

They smiled 

In their heads 

And watched me 

Savor Tampico's meat. 

I knew then,

That I will never ever fall 

For another canine 

As long as I live, 

Unless of course 

I turn vegetarian 

Along the line.

You see 

Tampico was not just

Any gutter-dog. 

He had been pampered 

From birth...

How do you think

He got his name? 

And to be completely honest, 

He caused his own death.

He had no business 

Running off 

To do the neighbor's dog 

Without taking precautions...

Without watching his back. 

He never listened to me.

When it came to matters of the groin, 

Tampico would just not listen.

"Tampico bring the bitch home"

I kept telling him. 

But no, he ignored me. 

He was disrespectful, 

That dog! 

The white fluffy bitch next door 

Had completely stolen his heart 

and took his brains along with it! 

He would leave

For days on end

Stuck with her

One day he left
And never came back.

My stomach digested him well though.

MY GHOST VALENTINE

I lay here

Struck

With the sudden

Realisation

That

I love him.

Then I sigh....

My 

Ghost

Valentine.

The ones

We can't

Bring back,

Yet love

So intensely...

If death

 Could give me

A glimpse

Of what lies

Behind it...

I would call out

His name.

And say

What

I couldn't say

When death

Hadn't found

Him.

But

What's the use now?

Love

Sits heavy

In my chest

Cos I can't share

When we both

Don't speak

A common language

When it will

Only be

The longest distance

Relationship-

Two worlds.

I can pretend

You're alive

And play around

With the very last

 Memory

 I have

 Of your face

 Before it laid there

Cold and unfamiliar.

But...

What do I do

 With the love

 In my heart

 Now that

You've kissed

The lips

Of that cold messenger?

What business

Did you have

Walking into the light?

 I should hurl

Insults

At you

For leaving

When that

 Was not

  The plan...

How dare you die!!

This betrayal

Should harden

My heart,

Why does it break

Against these violin strings?

Every cord struck

Reminds me

Of your fingers

Caressing

Piano keys

With the sun

Bathing

Your arms

 And

Lighting up

Your half-smile.

I know

You are here now.

I wouldn't

Be breathing so

If you were not

But...

Why have you come

In the wind

Yet another night?

It's not enough,

 I want a touch!

Walk in another time

 Whole

With that silly

 Mini-goatee

And tired eyes

From too much work

And let me 

Work

The knots

Out of your muscles

You were always

Too much

In a hurry,

Eager

To achieve

But...

Death

Was not out

For you,

Why

Did you seek her out?

Now look at me

Feel my heart!

I'm left with

The sudden

 Realization

that

I'm in love.

And the jab

In my breasts

Right after

Cos you're gone...

Then I sigh....

My 

Ghost

Valentine

[Wrote this while listening to  Rohann Pachelbel's Canon in D Major (Violin version) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUZui0ojYCs]

When God Is Gone...

When God is gone

And sweat drips

Down my face

Like blood as I

Tremble on my knees,

Will you stick around

And eavesdrop on my

Godless prayer?

When He's gone

And the love

In my heart

Curdles

And burns icy cold,

Will you spy on me

From behind hatred

As I throw it out?

When 'The Guy' is gone

And the peace that

Envelopes me now

With all its warmth

Becomes too tight,

Will you offer

To help me rip it

To shreds?

Will you

Be here

With me

As we travel

Back

To before

The beginning?

SYNERGY

This pain

That brought me 

To this land

Cannot leave.

When it does,

I might die

When it disappears,

I will lose

These sweet words

That mop up 

The bile

From the secret

Orifices of my brain

I will lose 

These healing words

In constant, 

Heated

Foreplay

With my heart

These tears

That wash

My soul out

And soak up

The night

With its overflow

Will dry up

When the pain leaves

I will die

It is madness

That haunts me

And pushes me 

Deep

Into the dark abyss

Of bitter memories

At night

It is the hunger

To have it

With me

That draws me

Into blazing fire - 

To the very edge

Of hell

I cannot

Stand 

To lose

What feeds

My fingers

And 

Lightens

My load

When she leaves

...

When this pain

Packs up

And leaves…

I will surely die.

EXPAT

Go 

And tell them

I’m black

Those ones - 

Your people.

They should know

What you have done

So go

And tell them

Tell them

I’m black

This toe 

You stepped on

Won’t turn red

 I can only

Tell you

It hurts

So listen to me

Go

And tell them

I’m black

I see them

Sitting in lounges

Sipping cream-less

Coffee

That yellows their teeth

Go

And tell them

I’m black

I see them

They bathe

In the sun

In bikinis

That will

Barely cover

My nipples

And backside

Go

And tell them

Tell them

Please do

See your papa

He struts 

In his black suit

Reminding me

Of that cock

I slaughtered

The morning 

Of the day

We met

Go

And tell them

About me

And your mama,

Such a petite lady

She can’t do without

That black 

Signature dress

Can she?

It’s a fashion must-have

I know

It goes well

Against her skin

Just like I go well

Against yours

Even more

On the roof

Under the…

Please go

And tell them

They told you

Not to come back

Tainted?

Which century 

Are they in?

But you

You came and

Fell in love

With colour

And you say

They will

Never forgive you?

You must go

And tell them

I’m black

Don’t beat me

Into the shape

You think

They want

I hate morning runs

My curves won’t

Dissolve

I’m a size fourteen

Don’t force me

Into a ten

My people?

My people 

Are happy

You care 

For me well

But

Your people

Would have 

To understand

You are getting married

They would have

To see their

Grandchild

When she's born

Even if

She's brown

With blue eyes

Our daughter

It will be a first

In your line

But

Tell them

 I'm done hiding

Break the news

Call 

And tell them

Tell them

I'm black

JUST ANSWER ME!

So, 

Tell me

How do you feel

When I slip and fall?

Do you hold your breath

When I’m up against the wall?

When I’m tied up

Waiting 

For some miracle to save me

Or 

When I’m wishing fate 

Will bring death

My way

How do you feel?

Do you see

That I try 

So hard 

To resist you?

Do you even know 

I'm being wooed

By another 

Who has long wished

To hold me close, 

So you won’t have me 

Whisked away 

To your slaughterhouse 

Blindly?

How do you feel?

I see

You're making ready

To slash my throat 

And drain out my very self

You will drain me out slowly

With a smile on that face 

I disdain

Are you aware

Of my attraction

To that danger

You pose?

I must be crazy!

They say Lucifer

Is...

Well they say he's..

My brain is chaff!

I will burn

I will burn

But the heat

Is...

I'm losing control!

Now don't stand 

And stare,

Just answer me!

THIS IS TO TELL YOU YOU'RE DEAD NOW

I held

The breath 

Of innocence 

And alone,

Watched 

The magic 

Unfold

 All through it

I never forgot

What we sowed

That rainy night

Three years gone..

And a tiny version

Of you

Now runs wild

In this

Empty house

With no shoes

On his feet

What we crafted

Looks up at me

Tenderly

Smiles

And asks of you

Poor child

Asks of you

So last night,

Through the rain

I took his hand 

And led him there

Where our love-tree 

Was first planted

Tears filled my eyes 

To find it bare-

That spot 

Where we dreamed 

All we wanted

"Mama are you crying?"

He asked,

And 

The last piece

Of my heart 

Broke

You see,

Truth took off

Running

With you

The day 

You left

So I tell lies... 

"I am not crying, dear"

I tell and cry...

"Daddy is in heaven, my boy"

I tell lies...

For you