A LONER'S VICTORY

So much of himself

Fell off on his sprint

To where

He could be alone

He swoons with trophy

In bloody skeletal hands

Weeping, for

All that he missed

While he ran,

Frantic,

In search of

A quiet place

Saddened

by the subtle

Joy

present -

Snippet of

 victory

Dying

Under the weight

Of triumph

Over all that

Should have

Mattered

As his heart beats

A pyrrhic meter

The fog clears

And he sees…

He is victorious

But too near death

To feel its worth.

THE NEW BLACK

They said we do not write poems

About rain when it rains

Or on love when we are struck by it

'Step out and be happy' they said

'Your sad is only yours

Save it for when no one is looking'

But people stare

All day they gawk

And when the lyrics to my sad song

Is ready they tell me

'Sad songs are writ on sunny days'

Month long it rained

My song going stale in me

I will hang my heart out

By the busiest street

When the sun comes out

Turn your heads in shame

Of me

Or point and laugh

But my heart needs a tan

Warm it up

And turn it gay

I will dance down

Society's stiff back

Spill my bottled fears

Down the public drain

I will write a million love notes

Stick them on a runway

Write of rain in the storm

And watch the words dissolve

I will write putrid hatred when I want

Silly nothings when I want

Revolutions, cos I can

Feel this heart now pumping

Hard in me

It is new...

The new black.

GOTHIC WISH

I like

How warm

I feel

Underneath this

Cotton dress

But

If another

Could feel it with me...

Share in my loud

Resonating womanness

Wouldn't that be Heaven...ly?

The choice parts of it

I suppose.

Anticipating him

Must be why my heart

Seems to have squeezed

Itself

Into 

my

Breast

And is racing with a limp

So the thumping

Has a spring

In its beats

Like a prayer answered,

My phantom valentine

Comes riding

On 

A ghost train

Like Furor

Charging forth

From

A 

Dark pastime

*Note: If you look closely enough, you'd see him standing by the railing on the front footplate of the train.

AND NOW...

The young graduate

Fresh out of school

Fired up

Ready to ease

 Into the new cool

Maybe he sped

Maybe he was reckless

But this patch

This dry patch

Wasn’t there before

He looks back at his dreams

Then down at his hands

And he’s no longer there

He looked

But…

He wasn’t there.

Walking down

The few steps

Out from the banking hall

Heart rate slowing to a halt

And figures run through invisible sieves

 Before your eyes

Maybe you hallucinate

Maybe you are on opiates

But this nothing

This gaping nothing

Wasn’t there before

You take a step back

Then look down

At your feet

But they aren’t there

You looked

But

You weren’t there.

She cradles her newborn

With

Her back against

A harsher world

Maybe she’s the worrier

Maybe paranoid

But this darkness

This horrid darkness

Was not there before.

She holds back tears

Looks down at her bosom

And they’re gone

She looked

But

She wasn’t there

Now I sit here

Wondering what

The morning will bring

Where next to occupy

How else to survive

Maybe it’s pessimism

Maybe I’m a cynic

But this hopelessness

This crass hopelessness

Wasn’t there before.

I slip under my sheets

Make to close my eyes

But they vanished

I took a peek

But

 I wasn’t there….

I wasn’t.

POSSESSED

The devil tangos

In my guts

Dainty feet

Pretty smile

Frosted frock

She tangos

On my heart

Now if I 

Could only

Let her loose

If only

She’d leave....

AND DEATH DIED...

There is this need

This

Pressing need

To write a sad song

And lament my good fortune

Shed shameless tears

That burn like acid

Corroding the

Calm that plagues me

I want

To step out naked

Into the stormy downpour

And get drenched

Along with the hope

That now wears me

Without my consent –

Catch a grave cold.

This need

To damn it all

And step back

In awkward celebration

Of impending doom

While

They

Who came to dance

With me loiter

On an expectant dance floor

I need

To find pain and

Weave her into my

Consciousness

Strum the minor chords

Of fatality –

A prelude to oblivion

This haunting

Unrelenting

Need

To

Crumble

Under the weight

Of something

Mysterious –

A potent

Enigma

Tell them…

The ones who had held

Their breaths

Five long years

Fearing to

Let what’s in out

And adamant

On letting what’s out in

Not sure what will finally break

Me

Tell them they

Can go on and breathe

Now

That

I am free

But let them know

I sit here

Composing a dirge

As I wait

To be taught

How

To live

Without death

DARKENED

I do not sit alone

In this greying space

Almost drowning

In tears

While writing

A long

Melancholic poem.

I sit here

Just

Drowning

Letting

Myself

Sink

As

I

Mark

Time

Seconds

Before

My last breath

Is snuffed

Out

I come up for air

You see it is thinning.

Man...

You did not tell me

I was coming up

For nothing...

There's nothing left

The earth packed up and left...

No

Air

This night

Is too long

And man is vain

A sad hymn

Plays

In the background

Voices leap out

Of the tune

And vanish

Into a vacuum

All is darkened

The bass stays with me

Awhile...

Deep

Resonating

"Be still my soul"

he sings.

The sprite

In flight

Hesitates

Then slips too

Into blackness

All...is darkened

Slowly

Blood gives way

To death

She

Courses

Through long days

Hitting loves

Corrupting tomorrows

Leaving a seared trail

Flames engulf hope!

All...all is darkened

And the night

Is languid

Caught

On the faint line

Between fair and foul

i crawl to the man's side

There...

In Gethsemane

I plead

And he

While mortals sleep

"If it be thy will...

Let this cup pass from me"

Even there

With him

Ebony clouds

Hide a blood moon

And

All

Is soot

In the vale of tears

RANSOM

What was he 

But a lean frame 

Clothed in blood 

And sweat 

And spit

Swooning 

On tired feet

Weighed down 

By ringed spikes 

And a coloured robe

Flesh hanging 

In loose shreds 

Bones exposed

Eyes sunken 

Face ashen?

What was he 

But a sorry sight

Battered

Bruised

Torn

Mirroring 

The state 

Of our spirits

Bound 

By the bonds 

that were ours?

What was he

our dying lord

Praying 

With breath 

He couldn’t afford?

On the count

Of three

His words 

Echo 

In our hearts

As he steps

Out 

From death’s bands

Brought forth

From the mortal tomb

“See…

I make all things new”

A LITTLE INSIDE...

My latest breath

Hangs loose

On a webstring

About to snap

And I pant

While you whisper

“Mon Amour,

Ma Cherie”

Into my

Hair

As I wonder what it means

Your fingers

Close round

My neck

And that must

Have been

The gasoline

That fueled

My heartbeat

Shooting

Up with

The stars we

Danced

With

I soared

With you

Bodies intertwined

Pleasure

Spasm-ing 

My spine

Soon my eyes glazed over

You

Oh you…

Confuse me more

In this foreign tongue

Now you kiss me,

Spilling sweet Paris

Onto my tongue

I let out

“Je meur!”

On a breath

And faded out

But I heard,

As

Seconds passed…

Her name

On your lips,

Again

And that…

That

Was

La petite mort

SPEEDING

I need to lock

My mind in the cellar

Of truth

To knock

The pangs

That paralyze me

Out into

Darkness

And

For once

Know

That weeks

Months

Years

On end

I can keep up

With

Myself

But I

Am a

Broken

Lie

On a highway

I

can’t

Stop.

Somebody

Something

Tampered with the brakes

Now

I am cold

Only aware

Of a heart

When it hurts

And

My eyes stay dazed

Not sure

What it sees

Or what it does

Not…

I am speeding

Away

Not loving

Not hating

My existence

Like

A brief

Apparition

On flowing

Waters

You

Can only

Catch a

Glimpse

As I

Flash by

I

can’t

Stop

This world

Is too small

Too tight

And I…

I am

Claustrophobic

So I step out

And run

My feet

Carry me on

Up

And away

Then briefly

I’m a butterfly

A pale

Brown

Butterfly

Yet free

Momentarily

Till I wake

And again..

I’m stuck

On a hell-bound ride

I

Can’t

Stop

LAST SEEN...

Sitting at a crowded bar

Staring into the tumbler

You hold

Like all the secrets

Of the world

Swim in the spirit

Bubbling at the bottom

Your purpose

Was last seen

Struggling, barely alive

After a stampede

On a darkened

Dance floor

Lying on a satin bed

Staring up at her face

Distorted,

Her painted

Lips parted

Letting out

A foreign language –

A string of long vowels

Carried on a single breath

Then she calls your name

While you struggle

To remember hers

Your self-control

Was last seen

Comforting

The last heart

 You broke

Before a purple altar

Standing on the beach at dawn

Contemplating each wave

As if

It might just carry

Away the mismatched

Set of lies you

Stitched together

And hung

Round your frail frame

Like Joseph’s coat

Of many colours

Your honesty

Was last seen

Aboard a ship

Being carried off

Into the horizon

You see now.

Sitting on a low bench

Wondering what it was

That happened

That caused

The hunch

On your back

Forgetting that

Avarice took

Over your surname

The night you vowed

To care less about

The rest of us

Your contentment

Was last seen

Whistling

 In oblivion

Down the slick path

Into the shadows

It is all a wonder

To us who stay on

Watching

Observing

The transformation

That slowly ate

Away at you

And left you

Stuck

In the

Whirl

Of depression

Your eyes are blank

And you no longer feel

You do not wish to know

That

Your very self

Was last seen

Taking itself apart

At the junction

Where child

And adult

met

DISSONANT HARMONY

This headache

That runs down

To the back of my neck

Pleasure-pain…

From laughing too hard

These friends I have

Make me lose breath

Doubling over in laughter

Bless us!

It was when I went home

For the weekend

That I took note

Of Mama’s

Illness

Evident on her face

“The pain is just horrible”

She whispered and sneezed.

“Bless you!”

I met him when he first arrived

And loved him till he left

Now he returns

In skirts and heels;

Miss Rose with a snipped tip

I can only mourn a lost member

Bless it.

She’s charming;

My petite chocolate queen

 Feeds me as she dotes

Then prays with me

For me

“Are you ok?”

With both eyebrows raised

This rare show of love

Bless her

An evening’s chance-meet

And the heavens’

Tender glow

“I’m going to come sit with you”

Then things went up and things went down

Rollercoaster with no safety belts

The poet’s vertigo

And mine…

Bless him

Sleep never

Comes this way

My street has no name

The morning sounds

Meet me wide awake

The young mother

Getting a frustrated tod

Ready for school

She sings the alphabet

In discord

And her husband sweeps

The paved compound

Bless them.

Now I sit and wonder

Where this madness

Came from

But I stop trying

To understand

Cos

Lunacy detached

From the lunatic

Leaves nothing -

Madness is me

Just as I am Lord…

Bless me

YOU

You

Came in

And set

One

Demon free

Then

Two

You

You

Bloody

Blood

On my hands

I cannot pretend

It’s a safe house

Here where

I hide

But

You

Should have stayed away

From the locks

You

Should not have

You 

You

Played

With that box

I CANnot marry

Your jesting veins

With steel blades

And watch the

Beauty of art

Alive

And warm

Do a familiar

Dance

Down

The sickening canvas

Of

You

You

I CANnot

Visit

You

With

A kiss from the serpent

And watch

You

Shudder 

As

You

Drown

In the congealed

Life in

You

Or move

To the sounds

Of your last words

Stuck in a froth

Gurgling

You

You

I could only

Do

You

This

Holy evil

If

You

Existed

You

Bloody

Blood

On my hands

EN ROUTE

Stranded

In the mire

Of my confused

State,

I ran…

My legs caught up

With the wind

And hopped on its

Back

Sailing

To the very top

Breaking through

The conflagration

Of emotions

That rush

Up

To my neck

Burning…

Choking!

I escape the frenzy

Awakened

By my synesthetic

Senses

Telling me

To feel

Your lies

Smell 

Deceit

Touch

The hem

Of lost years

Telling me

To rip off

My skin

And stand

Bleeding

Before the world

I shrink away

From the tomorrows

I dreamt

As

You turned

Your back to me

In fevered pleas

To the gods

That be

A slip of courage

Was what you asked for

A barrel of

Guts

To break

An unsuspecting

Heart

MUSE-ic

The muse of song

Sat looking long

At the scenes

That played

From the 

Record

Of old memories

In my head

"it's about time,"

She whispered.

THREE STRIKES AND...

The boulder 

did whisper 

my name

Laying there

in the middle

Of a line

of footsteps

that lead

to the sun

I was carefully

Re-taking them

When

That stone

called me...

by name

Don't ask

why my knee

bleeds

Or why

i sit here

and weep

The boulder...

it spoke

and had me 

Almost

Floored

OFF A CLIFF

The voices that come and go

Push me there and back

Right to the very edge

Then back

Like a yoyo in the hands

Of my conscience

I hang on a thin thread

Every other minute

I'm undone

It is sweet huddled up

In this warm cocoon

Must the butterfly be born

Can it not stay a larvae?

I let love in 

I made it reign

Now it demands more

That I be brave

Nowhere to hide

It's broad daylight

No more shadows

For cover ups

Every filthy linen

Was washed, and dried

And I stand naked

Void of shame

To burst out

And blind mortal eyes

With colours never before seen

To remember 

That I too can fly

And leap

That...

Is the script.

But the world 

Is a large, gaping

Abyss of the known unknowns

.....

And I'm afraid to face it.

APPARITION

It was an almost

Broken-down door

That loomed,

Standing

Between me

And something..

Something…

I was not sure.

It stood,

Groaning

Against the weight 

Of the wind;

A door

Hanging loose

On its hinges

The damp earth

Had made a feast 

Of the red-wood

And 

The rot on the inside

Could be seen

In ghastly patches

On the outside

It stood,

Rattling

Against the force

Of an unruly wind

A door

Threatening to break

From its hinges

It stood,

 Strong

In its obvious fragility

And I 

Drew back -

Too scared

 To touch

A mightier wind

Rose

Hauling me against it,

And as

I fell through

…Stunned that 

The door still stood

I wondered…

If

The door was

The apparition

….

Or

I was.