Time all wasted, time all gone
Where the 'excuse my word' did I go wrong?
Milk turned rancid, bread gone stale
Wine now tasting like some bad ale
I've gone on a crazy safari ride
All alone, spurning a guide
I've walked long beside this glistening lake
Stumbling on rocks, falling flat on my face
All these years...
I've been tip-toeing around a wretched heart
Too scared to go down on my knees and touch
To thrust that lighted lamp into my life
And put an end to this full-armored strife
All these years...
I've desperately looked back to any moment of peace
Of pure innocence wrapped in childhood memories
I've groped in the dark, looking for that doorway
That will finally lead me out into a brand new day.
That day...
The sun will come up and scare away the rain
The wind will sing aloud my new-found name
The moon and the stars will appear more bright
No need to look elsewhere for their source of light
That day...
I will wake up and find that I'm whole
Warmed up with love, never again to be cold
I will step gingerly out of my rose-colored bed
And sing blissful tunes off the top of my head
I will dance to the sounds of awesome nature
To the song of a bird, to the cries of each creature
I will walk up to the top of a dew-covered mountain
And shout, "I've found peace...blessed peace like a fountain"
Then I can breathe in the abundant love
Then, only then will I look up above
I'll let the warm rays fall down on me
And I'll marvel at how amazing freedom can be
Then,
The very depths of my heart will whisper
That It is well...it is well with my soul.
wow...great piece.how do you do that?...making the reader feel every single word in the poem. wonderful piece.i like the second line: "where the 'excuse my word' did i go wrong?". that's very creative.
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ReplyDeleteReally, I don't do anything. I just write what I feel and the magic happens...lol.
ReplyDeleteAnd about the second line, i definitely cannot swear, not even in a poem, so i had to adopt an "appropriate technology" lol.
Thanks for reading and leaving a comment!
i fancy that pluralization of the persona in the poem in its latest form is your attempt to rationalize it and make it more conventional. however, in doing so the poem`s direct message and emotional appeal have ,to some extent, been sacrificed.just as the beginning of everything is the most important part, the former,in my view,towers over the latter.
ReplyDeleteYou are right! This is as a result of creative writing class. I submitted it for review, and thus the revision. But i will re-post the original cos thankfully, I still have it! Love your contributions. I hope you stop by soon. And I hope to find out who you are, cos name does not ring a bell.
ReplyDeleteYeah, there you go...back to the original piece.
ReplyDeletei particularly like this poem because i think there is more to it than meets the eyeball.the almost uniform stanzaic divisions,the logical ordering of your train of thoughts,the imploring of emphasis and a host of other glimmering devices make the poem a one of a sort.the last stanza, however, does not mop it up properly for me.i think it ends too abruptly,taking away its clinical finish.
ReplyDeleteWow, interesting observation. Spot-on actually. The truth is, this particular poem never really ended for me and I don't think it ever will. Its an epic in my head right now. I guess i have to tweak the end again. Thanks.
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