Thursday 25 July 2013

MY GHOST VALENTINE



I lay here
Struck
With the sudden
Realisation
That
I love him.
Then I sigh....

My 
Ghost
Valentine.

The ones
We can't
Bring back,
Yet love
So intensely...

If death
 Could give me
A glimpse
Of what lies
Behind it...
I would call out
His name.
And say
What
I couldn't say
When death
Hadn't found
Him.

But
What's the use now?

Love
Sits heavy
In my chest
Cos I can't share
When we both
Don't speak
A common language
When it will
Only be
The longest distance
Relationship-
Two worlds.

I can pretend
You're alive
And play around
With the very last
 Memory
 I have
 Of your face
 Before it laid there
Cold and unfamiliar.

But...

What do I do
 With the love
 In my heart
 Now that
You've kissed
The lips
Of that cold messenger?

What business
Did you have
Walking into the light?
 I should hurl
Insults
At you
For leaving
When that
 Was not
  The plan...

How dare you die!!

This betrayal
Should harden
My heart,
Why does it break
Against these violin strings?

Every cord struck
Reminds me
Of your fingers
Caressing
Piano keys
With the sun
Bathing
Your arms
 And
Lighting up
Your half-smile.

I know
You are here now.
I wouldn't
Be breathing so
If you were not

But...

Why have you come
In the wind
Yet another night?
It's not enough,
 I want a touch!

Walk in another time
 Whole
With that silly
 Mini-goatee
And tired eyes
From too much work
And let me 
Work
The knots
Out of your muscles

You were always
Too much
In a hurry,
Eager
To achieve

But...

Death
Was not out
For you,
Why
Did you seek her out?

Now look at me

Feel my heart!

I'm left with
The sudden
 Realization
that
I'm in love.

And the jab
In my breasts
Right after
Cos you're gone...

Then I sigh....

My 
Ghost

Valentine




[Wrote this while listening to  Rohann Pachelbel's Canon in D Major (Violin version) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUZui0ojYCs]

When God Is Gone...



When God is gone
And sweat drips
Down my face
Like blood as I
Tremble on my knees,
Will you stick around
And eavesdrop on my
Godless prayer?

When He's gone
And the love
In my heart
Curdles
And burns icy cold,
Will you spy on me
From behind hatred
As I throw it out?

When 'The Guy' is gone
And the peace that
Envelopes me now
With all its warmth
Becomes too tight,
Will you offer
To help me rip it
To shreds?

Will you
Be here
With me
As we travel
Back
To before
The beginning?

Monday 22 July 2013

SYNERGY



This pain
That brought me 
To this land
Cannot leave.

When it does,
I might die

When it disappears,
I will lose
These sweet words
That mop up 
The bile
From the secret
Orifices of my brain

I will lose 
These healing words
In constant, 
Heated
Foreplay
With my heart

These tears
That wash
My soul out
And soak up
The night
With its overflow
Will dry up

When the pain leaves
I will die

It is madness
That haunts me
And pushes me 
Deep
Into the dark abyss
Of bitter memories
At night

It is the hunger
To have it
With me
That draws me
Into blazing fire - 
To the very edge
Of hell

I cannot
Stand 
To lose
What feeds
My fingers
And 
Lightens
My load

When she leaves
...
When this pain
Packs up
And leaves…

I will surely die.


Monday 15 July 2013

EXPAT


Go 
And tell them
I’m black

Those ones - 
Your people.
They should know
What you have done
So go
And tell them
Tell them
I’m black

This toe 
You stepped on
Won’t turn red
 I can only
Tell you
It hurts
So listen to me
Go
And tell them
I’m black

I see them
Sitting in lounges
Sipping cream-less
Coffee
That yellows their teeth
Go
And tell them
I’m black

I see them
They bathe
In the sun
In bikinis
That will
Barely cover
My nipples
And backside
Go
And tell them
Tell them
Please do

See your papa
He struts 
In his black suit
Reminding me
Of that cock
I slaughtered
The morning 
Of the day
We met
Go
And tell them
About me

And your mama,
Such a petite lady
She can’t do without
That black 
Signature dress
Can she?
It’s a fashion must-have
I know
It goes well
Against her skin
Just like I go well
Against yours
Even more
On the roof
Under the…
Please go
And tell them

They told you
Not to come back
Tainted?
Which century 
Are they in?
But you
You came and
Fell in love
With colour
And you say
They will
Never forgive you?
You must go
And tell them
I’m black

Don’t beat me
Into the shape
You think
They want
I hate morning runs
My curves won’t
Dissolve
I’m a size fourteen
Don’t force me
Into a ten

My people?
My people 
Are happy
You care 
For me well

But
Your people
Would have 
To understand
You are getting married
They would have
To see their
Grandchild
When she's born
Even if
She's brown
With blue eyes
Our daughter
It will be a first
In your line
But
Tell them
 I'm done hiding

Break the news
Call 
And tell them
Tell them
I'm black

Tuesday 9 July 2013

JUST ANSWER ME!


So, 
Tell me

How do you feel
When I slip and fall?

Do you hold your breath
When I’m up against the wall?

When I’m tied up
Waiting 
For some miracle to save me
Or 
When I’m wishing fate 
Will bring death
My way

How do you feel?

Do you see
That I try 
So hard 
To resist you?

Do you even know 
I'm being wooed
By another 
Who has long wished
To hold me close, 
So you won’t have me 
Whisked away 
To your slaughterhouse 
Blindly?

How do you feel?

I see
You're making ready
To slash my throat 
And drain out my very self

You will drain me out slowly
With a smile on that face 
I disdain

Are you aware
Of my attraction
To that danger
You pose?

I must be crazy!


They say Lucifer
Is...

Well they say he's..

My brain is chaff!

I will burn
I will burn
But the heat
Is...

I'm losing control!

Now don't stand 
And stare,

Just answer me!

Tuesday 2 July 2013

THIS IS TO TELL YOU YOU'RE DEAD NOW


I held
The breath 
Of innocence 
And alone,
Watched 
The magic 
Unfold

 All through it
I never forgot
What we sowed
That rainy night


Three years gone..
And a tiny version
Of you
Now runs wild
In this
Empty house
With no shoes
On his feet

What we crafted
Looks up at me
Tenderly
Smiles
And asks of you

Poor child
Asks of you

So last night,
Through the rain
I took his hand 
And led him there
Where our love-tree 
Was first planted

Tears filled my eyes 
To find it bare-
That spot 
Where we dreamed 
All we wanted

"Mama are you crying?"
He asked,
And 
The last piece
Of my heart 
Broke

You see,
Truth took off
Running
With you
The day 
You left

So I tell lies... 

"I am not crying, dear"

I tell and cry...

"Daddy is in heaven, my boy"

I tell lies...

For you