MY GHOST VALENTINE

I lay here

Struck

With the sudden

Realisation

That

I love him.

Then I sigh....

My 

Ghost

Valentine.

The ones

We can't

Bring back,

Yet love

So intensely...

If death

 Could give me

A glimpse

Of what lies

Behind it...

I would call out

His name.

And say

What

I couldn't say

When death

Hadn't found

Him.

But

What's the use now?

Love

Sits heavy

In my chest

Cos I can't share

When we both

Don't speak

A common language

When it will

Only be

The longest distance

Relationship-

Two worlds.

I can pretend

You're alive

And play around

With the very last

 Memory

 I have

 Of your face

 Before it laid there

Cold and unfamiliar.

But...

What do I do

 With the love

 In my heart

 Now that

You've kissed

The lips

Of that cold messenger?

What business

Did you have

Walking into the light?

 I should hurl

Insults

At you

For leaving

When that

 Was not

  The plan...

How dare you die!!

This betrayal

Should harden

My heart,

Why does it break

Against these violin strings?

Every cord struck

Reminds me

Of your fingers

Caressing

Piano keys

With the sun

Bathing

Your arms

 And

Lighting up

Your half-smile.

I know

You are here now.

I wouldn't

Be breathing so

If you were not

But...

Why have you come

In the wind

Yet another night?

It's not enough,

 I want a touch!

Walk in another time

 Whole

With that silly

 Mini-goatee

And tired eyes

From too much work

And let me 

Work

The knots

Out of your muscles

You were always

Too much

In a hurry,

Eager

To achieve

But...

Death

Was not out

For you,

Why

Did you seek her out?

Now look at me

Feel my heart!

I'm left with

The sudden

 Realization

that

I'm in love.

And the jab

In my breasts

Right after

Cos you're gone...

Then I sigh....

My 

Ghost

Valentine

[Wrote this while listening to  Rohann Pachelbel's Canon in D Major (Violin version) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUZui0ojYCs]

When God Is Gone...

When God is gone

And sweat drips

Down my face

Like blood as I

Tremble on my knees,

Will you stick around

And eavesdrop on my

Godless prayer?

When He's gone

And the love

In my heart

Curdles

And burns icy cold,

Will you spy on me

From behind hatred

As I throw it out?

When 'The Guy' is gone

And the peace that

Envelopes me now

With all its warmth

Becomes too tight,

Will you offer

To help me rip it

To shreds?

Will you

Be here

With me

As we travel

Back

To before

The beginning?

SYNERGY

This pain

That brought me 

To this land

Cannot leave.

When it does,

I might die

When it disappears,

I will lose

These sweet words

That mop up 

The bile

From the secret

Orifices of my brain

I will lose 

These healing words

In constant, 

Heated

Foreplay

With my heart

These tears

That wash

My soul out

And soak up

The night

With its overflow

Will dry up

When the pain leaves

I will die

It is madness

That haunts me

And pushes me 

Deep

Into the dark abyss

Of bitter memories

At night

It is the hunger

To have it

With me

That draws me

Into blazing fire - 

To the very edge

Of hell

I cannot

Stand 

To lose

What feeds

My fingers

And 

Lightens

My load

When she leaves

...

When this pain

Packs up

And leaves…

I will surely die.

EXPAT

Go 

And tell them

I’m black

Those ones - 

Your people.

They should know

What you have done

So go

And tell them

Tell them

I’m black

This toe 

You stepped on

Won’t turn red

 I can only

Tell you

It hurts

So listen to me

Go

And tell them

I’m black

I see them

Sitting in lounges

Sipping cream-less

Coffee

That yellows their teeth

Go

And tell them

I’m black

I see them

They bathe

In the sun

In bikinis

That will

Barely cover

My nipples

And backside

Go

And tell them

Tell them

Please do

See your papa

He struts 

In his black suit

Reminding me

Of that cock

I slaughtered

The morning 

Of the day

We met

Go

And tell them

About me

And your mama,

Such a petite lady

She can’t do without

That black 

Signature dress

Can she?

It’s a fashion must-have

I know

It goes well

Against her skin

Just like I go well

Against yours

Even more

On the roof

Under the…

Please go

And tell them

They told you

Not to come back

Tainted?

Which century 

Are they in?

But you

You came and

Fell in love

With colour

And you say

They will

Never forgive you?

You must go

And tell them

I’m black

Don’t beat me

Into the shape

You think

They want

I hate morning runs

My curves won’t

Dissolve

I’m a size fourteen

Don’t force me

Into a ten

My people?

My people 

Are happy

You care 

For me well

But

Your people

Would have 

To understand

You are getting married

They would have

To see their

Grandchild

When she's born

Even if

She's brown

With blue eyes

Our daughter

It will be a first

In your line

But

Tell them

 I'm done hiding

Break the news

Call 

And tell them

Tell them

I'm black

JUST ANSWER ME!

So, 

Tell me

How do you feel

When I slip and fall?

Do you hold your breath

When I’m up against the wall?

When I’m tied up

Waiting 

For some miracle to save me

Or 

When I’m wishing fate 

Will bring death

My way

How do you feel?

Do you see

That I try 

So hard 

To resist you?

Do you even know 

I'm being wooed

By another 

Who has long wished

To hold me close, 

So you won’t have me 

Whisked away 

To your slaughterhouse 

Blindly?

How do you feel?

I see

You're making ready

To slash my throat 

And drain out my very self

You will drain me out slowly

With a smile on that face 

I disdain

Are you aware

Of my attraction

To that danger

You pose?

I must be crazy!

They say Lucifer

Is...

Well they say he's..

My brain is chaff!

I will burn

I will burn

But the heat

Is...

I'm losing control!

Now don't stand 

And stare,

Just answer me!

THIS IS TO TELL YOU YOU'RE DEAD NOW

I held

The breath 

Of innocence 

And alone,

Watched 

The magic 

Unfold

 All through it

I never forgot

What we sowed

That rainy night

Three years gone..

And a tiny version

Of you

Now runs wild

In this

Empty house

With no shoes

On his feet

What we crafted

Looks up at me

Tenderly

Smiles

And asks of you

Poor child

Asks of you

So last night,

Through the rain

I took his hand 

And led him there

Where our love-tree 

Was first planted

Tears filled my eyes 

To find it bare-

That spot 

Where we dreamed 

All we wanted

"Mama are you crying?"

He asked,

And 

The last piece

Of my heart 

Broke

You see,

Truth took off

Running

With you

The day 

You left

So I tell lies... 

"I am not crying, dear"

I tell and cry...

"Daddy is in heaven, my boy"

I tell lies...

For you